Posted by: Sam Olsen | February 17, 2012

The Chronicles of Larry 19: keyed up

Right, I’m back. Had a few weeks off whilst I waited for Them to illuminate my life with some shred of interest. But no luck. Nothing has changed for weeks: eat, drink, school, play, keeping Them up at night. Surely there must be more to life than this?

Turns out there is: practical jokes. Hong Kong has so many options I don’t know where to begin. But one thing sticks out quite clearly. Keys. Has there ever been a better medium for tricks?

So I wait for the perfect storm. Normally Tessie keeps a hawk-like watch on me to make sure my plentiful shenanigans don’t get out of hand. But sometimes she is busy doing something in her room – like today. As for Mum, she is at work. And best of all, Dad has an important meeting to go to.

The trap is sprung just before breakfast when They are both sleep-eyed (my midnight yowling obviously doing the trick). Tessie’s not around. And Dad’s keys lie tantalisingly on the hall table. I reach up…

It is now 2.45pm. Mum is not here, obviously. Tessie is dressing me for school. And Dad is getting ready for his meeting (something about a job, whatever that is. He certainly doesn’t know.). Boy am I excited. If only he knew.

Sure enough, we return 2 hours later to find Dad in a bit of a mood. In fact, a tiny bit agitated. Wow there cowboy! What’s wrong?

Turns out he hasn’t been able to go to his meeting on account of not having any keys. Looked everywhere for them, apparently. He obviously couldn’t go – even Honkers isn’t safe enough to just leave the door unlocked, especially when there are all my toys to consider.

So Dad has been at home all afternoon. I say great, put your feet up, why don’t you. Turns out the man he should be shmoozing with is OK with it – probably because this is the only time he’s in town and won’t be able to actually meet Dad ever. Lucky, some might say.

Oddly, Dad isn’t too chuffed. “I just can’t understand it” he repeats to himself over and over. And over.

If only he had looked in Mum’s handbag. Like she does – upon her return home. “Oh look, how did these end up in here?” She asks. Cue heavy ‘discussion’ on exactly how that might have happened. Oh, the joy. Divide and rule, that’s what I say.

As for me, I just can’t wait for us to get a car.



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